Harper’s Mill, Tom Sawyer Island, Magic Kingdom.
Things my GPS has taught me about life.
Like many people, most of my time is spent in the car. Running errands, going to work, or heading somewhere for leisure, I rely on my vehicle to get me there. And, lately, I’ve been relying on my GPS, as well.
One thing that my GPS has taught me is that, no matter how lost you are, whether you doing something completely new, need a new shortcut, or what have you, there is always someone willing to help you, to guide you, to show you the way to success. Whatever pitfalls come your way, you can always avoid them, if, of course, you have avoidances enabled.
If you’re like me, you make plenty of mistakes. You feel like you made a wrong turn, or you missed a great opportunity that you think you can’t get back. My GPS has taught me that, no matter how far off you think you are, you can always make a U-Turn. No matter how off track you believe yourself to be, it’s never too late to get back to where you need too be.
Although there are plenty of easy, and free, ways to get around, my GPS has taught me that, if you ever want to go anywhere worth going, you’re going to need to hit a few toll roads. You can avoid them, and maybe take an extremely long and roundabout way to your destination, but I’ve learned that it ends up being much easier in the long run to take the hit and traverse life’s highways. You can go farther, faster, if only you’ll allow yourself that tiny bit of pain.
But, I think the most important lesson my GPS has taught me is that it’s incredibly easy to lose time, and incredibly difficult to gain it back. Watch your destination time if you hit traffic, or have to divert from an accident, it adds minutes in seconds, but to catch up you have to go way above the speed limit for a long time, just to shave off a minute or two. You can do things that let you waste time, you can while your days away in front of the TV or the computer, but when it’s time to get down to business, you’re gonna find you’re farther behind than you realized, and it’s near impossible to catch up. Fill your days with the things that you enjoy, that make you feel satisfied and complete. Contribute something to this human race in some way, or be left in the dust.
If you find yourself spending a lot of time in your car, that doesn’t mean the journey can’t be worthwhile, and the destination exciting.
Here’s all of the things I wanted to say
But, when I’m around you, it seems, the words escape me. I love you, so much, and I’m so happy that you were the last person I saw before I left. It doesn’t matter to me that all we did was sit around, both of us tired, because no matter what, it was time spent with you, and that’s all that matters to me.
I gave you that CD, and the calendar, because I hope you’ll have a constant reminder of me while I’m away. Because, I’ll be thinking about you loads, and I kind of hope you do the same. I mean, I have this insane, irrational fear that you’ll forget all about me. I know there’s no logic to it, but the thought is there all the same, and I want you to remember me, like I’ll be remembering you.
I know for a fact I’m going to have a great time down there, meeting new people, starting a fresh chapter in my life, having a new experience I’ll be able to talk about for years. I know this, because I know I won’t be alone down there. I’ve kept a bit of you in my heart (I hope you don’t mind).
If I ever feel like nobody understands me, or my humor, I’ll just think of your laugh, and know I’m in good company. If I ever feel sad, or down, I’ll think of your smile, and I’ll smile, too. If I ever need reassurance that this was the right decision, I’ll think of how you always supported me. If I ever feel attacked, or hated, or threatened, I’ll think of how you’d always protect me, and stick up for me. If I ever feel betrayed, or turned on, I’ll think of how you’ve always stood by me. If I ever feel lonely down there, I’ll just think of you, plain and simple.
I get the impression that, when someone tells you how they feel, you seem to underestimate them, don’t take them seriously. But I want you to internalize this: I love you more than I know what to do with. You are the whole world to me, the most important person that I can think of. You make me so happy, no matter how I’d been feeling before, and I think you were the greatest gift that has ever been given to me in my entire life. It feels weird to say you’re my best friend, because I think it’s more than that, deeper than that; I don’t know about you, but I get the feeling that, no matter what happens in the future, no matter where our paths lead us, we’ll always stay as close as we are now, and nothing would make me happier.
I think goodbyes are too formal, too final for this. I won’t be gone all that long, so I think I’ll leave you with an au revoir, since that means “until we see each other again”, and we will. Weekly, with the letters, and I’ll keep you consistently updated with pictures, and texts, and phone calls, and you’re more than welcome to do the same. It’s not such a long time, but I’ll miss you, and I’ll be thinking of you.
Au Revoir.
2011 was definitely a year
It was the year I took 2 of the best classes I ever have, and decided what I wanted to do with my life. It was the year I got really serious about photography, about learning all I could about it, and constantly improving my technique. It was the year I started writing, seriously, consistently, obsessively learning how I could get better. It was the year I decided I wanted to write horror, and about my life, and about whatever else I decide to, because it was also the year I started to appreciate myself.
It was the year that I finally could look at myself in the mirror and say “Wow, I look good”. It was the year I gained my confidence, and decided I didn’t care what other people thought about me, because I like me. It was the year that I started dressing a little better, taking better care of my appearance. It was the year that I learned that I didn’t have to be shy around new people, that if I were myself, people would either like me, or not, and I didn’t really care either way. It was also the year I became brave.
It was the year I finally started telling people how I really felt. It was the year I started telling the truth; not that I was lying to anybody, just an omission of what was really going on. And it felt amazing. One didn’t quite last, but the other, I think, is closer than ever before, and all because I said what I felt, and I didn’t die of shame or anything.
It was the year I met my newest best friend. It was the year I ran around naked in the rain for no good reason other than “why not?” It was the year of Mexican Dick Standoffs, and Toonami nights in the Africa room, it was the year that I grew closer to people that I went through 4 years of high school with but never talked to, and it was the year that one of them stayed in my life.
Speaking of that one, it was the year that I finally got accepted into Disney. It was the year that my biggest dream finally came true, and I can spend at least half of next year out of this state, and in another; a state of bliss, enchantment, magic, and wonder. But, it wasn’t always a year about friends.
It was a year where I discovered that I could be happy on my own. No relationship, no communication, just me in a room. It was the year I discovered I could be completely alone, and still be happy, and not be bored. It was the year I figured out that being alone isn’t the same as being lonely, that I can function perfectly well outside of a relationship, and don’t need to be constantly clamoring for one. It was a year of finding out who I really am, and what I really want.
It was a year where I discovered my limits. It was a year that I took 6 classes in one semester, and wanted to shoot myself in the fucking foot so I wouldn’t have to endure one more day of it. But, I got out with a 3.369(hehe..hehe), which isn’t bad if I do say so myself. But it was the year that I discovered that I fucking hate school, and the whole education system, and wanted to find anyway I could to get out of it.
It wasn’t all good, and it wasn’t all bad. Nothing incredible sticks out, but nothing was really over the top boring, either. All in all, it was a good year, and I’m very excited to see what next year has in store. I have no expectation that, magically life will get better or worse. I know I’ll have to keep working on myself, and using all of the positive things I learned this year to fuel everything next year,
and I can’t wait.
Here’s a list! People like lists, right?
Here are some blogs that, over the course of this year (well…from August) I’ve come to really enjoy. Some people I’ve talked to, some I haven’t, but all of which are absolutely wonderful people, and make my time on Tumblr absolutely amazing:
- petdarling
- fowhawkhawtie
- id-rather-be-at-hogwarts
- livediebleed-the-fantasy
- allthekidstheydance
- standupimalady
- unf-athomable
- doctorblind
- fancywaffle
- weepformanetheren
- dundermifflinthisiskayti
- lostinthewonderoflife
- drownalittleslower
- zip-a-dee-disney
- dwighttheignorantslut
- talkaboutluck
- nellycakess
- touchmyoathkeeper
- occupysacredrealm
- salveamicus
- 4n20pie
- deadseafruit
- tracing-infinities
I love all these blogs, and I know they’re run by amazingly wonderful, beautiful people. Thanks for a great year (5 months)! =D
Everyone really is beautiful…
To start with, a quote from The Help (the book is better than the movie, I highly recommend it.):
Fried chicken just tend to make you feel better about life.
Wait, that’s not it…
Ugly live up on the inside. Ugly be a hurtful, mean person.
Neither ugly nor pretty (nor any of the words in between) are good to describe outward appearance. But, they do pretty well at describing attitudes. If you don’t think you’re pretty enough, or every other girl is so much prettier than you, than it requires a simple adjustment in attitude. You’re trying to base your own sense of beauty against some societal standard, which, in all honesty, does not exist. It’s manufactured, it’s fake. Much like a lot of the girls that live up to that “standard”.
What you need to do, what I implore you to do, is to find things about yourself that you like, focus on them, until you love them. Change some things, ever so slightly, until they make YOU happy. There’s no point in trying to make other people happy with how you look, because if you’re going to change your appearance or want to be pretty for somebody else, you’re doing it for the wrong reason.
And, I know, I’m a guy, so for whatever reason my opinion may count less. I hope it doesn’t, because I’ve had self-esteem problems myself. I look back on pictures of myself from years past, hating how I looked. By everyday standards, I am not attractive. I’ve got a bit of a gut, I’m quite hairy, I’m overly tall, I don’t fit into the mold set for guys. But, I did some simple things (got glasses, switched up my style a bit, etc) and for the first time this year I actually liked what I saw in the mirror. And it felt amazing. It felt wonderful to have that boost of confidence, not from anybody else, but from myself.
And it’s that confidence that will carry you through life. When you like how you look, people notice. You carry yourself differently, you conduct yourself differently, and automatically that’s more attractive. It’s not about what’s on the outside (and if it ever is, that person is too shallow/vain to be considered good enough for your time), but what’s on the inside.
http://mediakilledbeauty.tumblr.com/ - This is the best blog I’ve seen on Tumblr. These guys collect pictures of “typical, average” girls, and do whatever they can to boost their confidence, spread the pictures around for others to do the same, and to see that not everybody is looking for that vapid, “perfect” person. I’ve watched this blog since it started out as one guy posting pictures from peoples /me tags, and I gotta tell you, I fall more in love each day, because what they do is simply stunning, and it has helped so many people with their confidence.
And I think that’s what’s most important.
The moment I became jaded with school, and the entire educational system.
Freshman year. We were taking a standardized test of one type or another (I can’t remember if it was a “practice” exam, or the real thing), but there was one question that absolutely cemented in my brain how horrible our current school system is, and just how tired of it I had become, even at that point.
That one question involved creating a “box plot” to represent some data. Up until then, I had never in my history of learning been even remotely introduced to the concept of a box plot. This test, this standardized test to which I should have been prepared, to which my schooling was supposed to have made me fully able to take, had on it a question that not only did I have an answer for, but didn’t even have the tools necessary to begin it.
I wrote, where my work should have gone, one sentence. “I NEVER LEARNED THIS”, all in caps. At the time, of course, I didn’t know where to place my anger, so I placed it on the test. I was mad that there was something on there that I didn’t learn, something that I couldn’t answer. But over the years, and now getting through my second year of college, I’ve learned to turn my anger into pure apathy, and shift it from the tests to the school.
The test is supposed to be a standard to which all students should be held, a benchmark that each individual should be able to surpass, and the fact that I hadn’t ever learned something that was apparently expected of me, really got to me. Why wasn’t I taught that? What else should I know at this point that I don’t, because somewhere along the way a teacher either skipped it? If it’s their job to bring me up to that standard, how many of them failed in that task?
But I can’t even put it on them, they’re stuck in this system, just like I am. They’re forced to teach specifically to these tests, rather than teaching the skills (and, hell, the patterns of learning) that are important to 21st century society and workplace. The schools lag behind, forcing us to learn in exactly the same way we did during the Industrial Revolution, when we’re right in the middle of the Internet Revolution.
All the schools seem to do is prepare us for an age that’s already over. We’re not thinking in the multidisciplinary way that is required of a life where people are connected in a much more urgent, much closer way. We’re taught with the same tools, the same styles, and the same rote that’s been used for 100 years, and that does us no good. I’ve never felt that my time was being wasted more, or that I was so non-productive as when I’m in class. It’s a shame, because I want to learn, and I want to be ready for real life.
But the school’s disappoint on all counts.
Here’s the thing about Robin
She’s been adamant throughout the series about not wanting children, about putting her career first and traveling the world, and she does do those things, but only after the sad realization that she was infertile. People are bitching about how upset that made her, and I don’t really think that’s fair.
“Well I never want to have kids, I want to focus on my career, it wouldn’t bother me if a doctor said I couldn’t. Can’t a woman just not want to have children and blah blah blah?” All that’s true, all that’s great, but the important thing to remember is A) You don’t absolutely know what your emotional reaction to that type of news would really be, you’ve never been in that position. Very likely, you’ll keep going with your mindset, that’s great. And absolutely, plenty of women will never want to have kids, and not feel incomplete, that’s their life choice. But Robin does not stand for EVERY SINGLE ONE of those women, not at all.
Robin has shown times in the series where she’s at least considered the possibility of children. Season 2, episode 22 Something Blue, when Ted and Robin are in her apartment after talking about moving to Argentina, she says “If I was going to have someones babies…I’d have your babies.” She saw a way to conceivably see children in her life. In Season 4 episode 7 Not a Fathers Day, Robin took the baby’s sock and commented on how “cute” it was, and admitted that she was “confused” and “maybe someday” could warm up to the idea of having children.
The show did flip flop back on forth on her official stance, but there’s some evidence indicating that, at some point in the future, after she’d felt accomplished with her career and her travels, she might have wanted to settle down and have kids. The thing that people seem to get offended about is they think that Robin is the be all end all of women who don’t want to have kids, that she represents every female with that attitude, that she is some mold that those other women fit into, and her being upset about her infertility is demeaning to that group. But, she’s none of those things. She’s her own character, with her own beliefs and morals and viewpoints and history, she isn’t representative of anybody else. She shares traits with many people who share similar views, but, based on the things in the previous paragraph, her being upset about her infertility is absolutely natural for HER, not any other woman.
